Nearing the end of week 12. Everyday projects, assignments, more projects, more assignments. sian-ness. Worse, my parents are out of town. If it were week 1 or 2, I'd be shouting for joy. FREEDOM! is what i'd say. But not now. On top of schoolworks, i've to clean the house, cook my own food, wash the dishes, do the laundry etc. Mom will only be coming back 10 days later. More sian-ness.
First few days were fine. It was kinda liberating actually. No one tells me to sleep early, no one tells me to wake up early. Experimented a little in the kitchen. Made bunch of nameless meals, which were good. But the novelty is fading quickly. Dishes are piling up.
Unfortch, mom's not here cuz my sis is sick (told her to take care of herself. bah...). So i can't be so selfish to ask her to come back ASAP. Sigh.. when all the options are equally bad, it's hard to decide what to wish for. Oh and my dad is coming back on Sat. Hopefully he goes to bangkok soon after he comes back. It's more troublesome to look after two people than to look after myself only. And he always nags me to sleep early and wake up early. Sigh sighs...
Wow, almost a month since I last blogged. A rather depressing post at that somemore. I thought time flies only when I'm really busy. Well I guess I'm wrong. Time flies even faster when I'm "free". This term is supposedly pretty relaxed for me, taking only 3 modules (plus one extra audit class) and no more accounting mod (HALLELUJAH!!). But it's because I'm so free that I often spend my time doing things that takes time with no particular result, like watching drama, read manga, sleep, flog-surfing, reading books or going out with friends. Sometimes I really have no idea what I've been doing. I'd wake up in the morning and then do those stuff and bam! it's midnight already ^^"
Anyways, time flies so fast that it's almost the end of week 9 of school. Just ended my Strategy mid-term this afternoon. Oh-em-gee. I kinda screwed up a bit. Everybody, and i mean EVERYBODY, has the correct answer for the essay part except moi. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really stupid or just plain idiotic. Gosh...
Though I was a little dizzy, due to lack of sleep, I went to join Shan, Pris and Hans for dinner after class to accompany the 2 angmohs staying at my bro's place. "Bring them eat Singapore food lor", Shan said.
Good thing I went with them. I was able to forget about that cursed mid-term and satisfied my craving for Chomp Chomp's hokkien mee. Yes, I think chomp chomp sells the best hokkien mee in the whole Singapore. Yumm! Ate other delish stuff too, like carrot cake, rojak, chicken wing, satay etc. All the fattening but happy-mood-inducing goodies. My headache was no more and my stomach is a happy organ tonight :D
The 2 angmohs are called Ricky and Robert (I think? Didn't properly intro ourselves) btw. Met Ricky before in Jakarta at my bro's wedding. They're Americans doing missionary work in Thailand. So, stories shared during dinner were bound to be really interesting. We talked about lotsa things from tranvestite (like duh, it's thailand), to our old mission trip village Bee Yew Ta, to smoking weed (eh?), to Robs living in a ranch (I had images of those ranches from Indiana Jones type o' movie) with horses and guns (o.O) and other random stuff. All those stories made me really really wanna go travel around the world like them.
And so... that brings me to my problem - should I go US or Eastern Europe?? And and and, the bigger problem is - how to earn lotsa money in a short time??? No suggestion of prostitution please. If it's a viable option, I'd have done it. Anyone feeling rich to give me some dosh? Please? Pretty please??? ^^
I have been thinking for the longest time if I should write this post. Even though blogs are like personal journal/diary, which means that I'm able to write anything I want in here, I know other people are reading and so the content may affect them. I really don't mean to discourage people, but I figured I'm not the confrontation kinda person and I really can't say no to people. Even if I said no, I'll feel bad for rejecting afterwards. So I'm finally writing this post so not only can I think more clearly (I somehow can make a decision better once I write it down), but for certain people to stop pestering me.
To be honest, I've long forgotten the meaning of having a religion. In fact, I'm really tired trying to be a goody goody christian that I'm not. Of course, I did try to be a good christian. But at the end of the day I feel everything is meaningless. Coming to church has become a chore, an unbearable chore. It disgusts me to come to a place where people keep preaching to be good, to love one another, to forgive, blah blah blah...you know the drill, when in actuality the place is teeming with hypocrites. Bloody f***ing hypocrites.
They smile, they preach, they shake your hand and sometimes even hug you, when I know fully well all the "unchristian" things they've done. They gossip about mean things, they backstab people, they malign, or they form groups where they would bitch about one another. The adults who kept telling kids to act in christ-like manners are the very same people that commit "sinful" acts. Sometimes their obsession to be a "good christian" turn them to be the very Pharisees that they preach us not to be. They kept saying, "let's pray!", "let's read our bible!", "let's try to get people to come to church!" etc, so much that everything not christian becomes a bad BAD thing.
If we play some game on sabbath, tho it's supposedly to christian games, they'd say, "oooh we shudn do that on sabbath", or "how can you drink coke? it's got caffeine!", "oh no, the person that drink coke is actually a pastor *exaggerated gasp*!", "rock music is EVILLL!" yadda yadda yadda.
Then i observe they don't pay offerings, they wear earrings, they wear slack clothes to church and they do other things (which I'd rather not mention cuz it'll pretty obvious who i'm referring to) that I thought should/shouldn't be done as a "christian".
Religion becomes a laundry list of do's and don't's. More often than not I get confused, so what the hell/heaven/nirvana (whichever you have the most affinity with) are we supposed to do really? Sit down one corner and read our bible and, whole day long, and go out to streets and preach, "Jesus is coming soon. Repent all you SINNERS!"? There's gotta be more to christianity.
As much as I hate hating people, I really don't wanna hate God. Often I find myself reasoning with myself to give religion another chance, but now i seem to have used up my inventory of reasons. I don't understand what God has in store for me anymore (not that I've known before actually). It feels that he's a really troublesome friend who refuse to tell me what he wants. The kind who don't talk much despite your incessant questioning of what he wants and you decide you'll stop questioning and do what you think is good enough. But then it's never good enough and he gets angry at you and do mean things and you're left wondering, "what did I do wrong?"
Yes I know we are supposedly able to get the answers from the bible. But circumstances sometimes just prevent you to be THE perfect christian, you know. It says love your enemy and forgive for 70x7 times. Let me tell you, I have this person that I hate so very very much that the word hate is a gross understatement. I forgave him many times, definitely more than 490 times, feels more like a gazillion times. I tried to give reasons for his horrible behaviours. I tried to be nice. I tried to put the past wrongdoings behind. I tried, God knows. But he is just sooo incorrigible. It seems that it angers him to see me happy. He hurt people I care about, physically and mentally. And when they say words is sharper than swords, it's true. He just love saying mean things and leave me wounded. And get this, he is a supposedly devout christian who keeps preaching what the bible says and that we shud do this and that. After all the hurtful things he did, you think I can still love him?
It's tiring to keep up with that list. It's stifling to be restricted by all those rules. I have friends who don't have religion and they are really nice, much nicer sometimes than those "christians". At the very least, they are not hypocrites. Of course, I've some good friends in church and I've no intention to sever our friendships just because I'm done with church. My opinion towards religion has nothing to do with my friendships. If it's not because of the possibility of being disown, I'd have left the church. I tried, heaven knows, but I guess like some relationships this one just doesn't work out.
flumpool is a four-man J-band: Ryuuta Yamamura (Voc & Gu), Kazuki Sakai (Gu), Genki Amakawa (Ba), and Seiji Ogura (Dru). They're pretty new to the J-music scene having been formed only in early 2007 and I think released their first single in early 2008. Their mini album "Unreal", released late last Dec, has gotta be one of the best J-album for the year 2008 IMHO!
They started humbly by singing at subway stations (i think when they were only 3-man band, ie sans the drummer, called "cube"). But they rise to fame pretty quickly. They have already has the highest selling debut act of 2008 in Japan; with only 2 digital singles & 1 mini-album to their name (which has almost sold 200k). Not surprising, really, since they have got real good music.
Another thing that attracted me to this band besides their good music is that their vocalist is real cute! *swoons*LOL...
I mean, hey, not many good J bands have got good-looking frontman. Among my fav bands, think only Larc~en~ciel (Hyde-sama!) and Uverworld have ikemen vocalists. if you wanna see ikemen, go listen to Johnny boys, but unfortch they can't really sing. So yea, it's definitely a plus for my viewing pleasure.
Anyways, back to their music. Their mini album has 10 songs, which includes 2 instrumentals, which kinda make it pseudo-singles. Out of the 8 songs, my fav are (in order of fav, 1 being best): 1. Hana ni Nare 2. 春風 (harukaze) 3. labo 4. Over the rain~Hikari no Hashi~
3 and 4 are kinda in a tie. And all 4 songs are pretty different from each other, which is nice.
Their song "Over the rain ~Hikari no Hashi~" was used as the closing song of the drama Bloody Monday (it's a must-watch show!), which I've only finished watching last week and it's where I've first heard of them. Didn't check the song out straight away cuz I don't really like melancholic songs and drama songs usually reminds me of the drama itself and despite BloMo being a good drama, it's not sth I wanna be reminded of often. But it's still a good slow song, tho sometimes somehow it makes me feel sad.
Hana ni Nare is without a doubt my fav! I like it the moment I hear the song. Dunno how to classify it, but it's kinda rock-ish? Love the string music arrangement in the beginning. It gives a perfect intro to the song. And Kazuki harmonize Ryuuta perfectly, maybe cuz they're like childhood friends.
Their latest song, Harukaze, is a lovely slow rock. The lyrics are really sweet too. It's a perfect song to listen to on a long bus/train ride, preferably with nice view outside, just like in the video (:
labo didn't become instant fav.It's like a mix of rock, jazz and punk, i think haha... But the more I listen to it, the more I like it although it's got pretty weird lyrics. Oh and I love the video. It's pretty cool and I love the way Ryuuta groove to the beat.
And saving the best for the last, I present you the cover for Unreal!!
I bet it will go straight to censorship if they ever bring this album to Singapore. Ryuuta said that it portrays their new entrance to the entertainment world or something like that. And the title Unreal is is also something like their surreal shot to fame and that fans are to decide if the pics are real or digitally modified. I say (and D too) that Ryuuta has got some nice, perky butts there hohoho...
It's pretty hard to get their pics. So be happy I've found these drool-worthy piccas!
Krish and I were lamenting how the economic recession has affected everyone. Watched in Channelnewsasia that KP is having a salary cut of 7.5% (that's alot since usually pay increment in Spore is only like, what 10-20%?). Luckily it only affects the manager level and up. If they dare cut my already meager future salary, I think I'd rather bum around at home LOL...
Anyways, so there we were sighing on a beautiful blue-skied afternoon how we have to be mindful how we spend our money. Occasional trips to resto or nice cafe will have to be postponed and we have to be contented with meals in Koufu or Kopitiam. But then Krish said something pretty interesting. He said something like it is exactly the fact that people are tightening their belts that the recession is getting from bad to worse. Think about it, the lesser people spend, the lesser consumption there will be. Less consumption means less production and less income/profit for the producing industry. So companies have to cut somemore wage to cut cost. Which means, people will spend even lesser now that they have lower wage. And the cycle goes on.
Therefore, Krish suggested that we should contribute more to the economy. Spend more! More spending --> more consumption --> more production --> more income for companies --> (hopefully) salary increment for employees!
Brilliant isn't it? Never really thought about it.
Snippet 2
I think my interest in anything Japanese has somewhat become an addiction. I have to watch j-drama like once a day (cuz i'm still somewhat free, considering it's only the end of week 3 of school) and I had no idea who katy perry is or if britney has won can't-remember-how-many awards during MTV VMA last year. Instead, my mp3 is now filled with J songs. But still, I only fill it with my fav artists only. I dunno every crowing peeps in the J music scene, mind you. If I wake up early enough, I'd tune in to XFM 96.3, which ends its J segment at 9 am (unfortch, I hardly catch it since I wake up around 9 am haha...).
Oh and have I told you I'm taking Japanese mod? Heheh... It's an extra mod since I've already fulfilled my 39 credits requirement. The class is pretty fun, the teacher's really sweet. Very typical Japanese lady. But it's pretty slow-paced. I already know phrases and my vocab isn't too bad (according to Kit). But I know nuts about writing. So yea, I'm just hanging in there for the sake of the writing part.
Dawn and I got kinda excited being able to read the hiragana writings on the food packagings during our trip to Daiso. When I reached home I showed off my newly learned skill to mom. She was a little bit impressed only (mayb partly cuz jap is one of her least favourite language), and she just said, "Oh you know how to read huh? But do you understand what you're reading?"
Dang.. -_-
Anyways, when the usual gp of us (read: dawn, kit and I) were hanging out at koufu, Kit said that I should change my blog to j-drama, movie and music review blog cuz I seem to know the J entertainment world more than her despite the fact that she's stayed in the land of the rising sun itself for a year. Haha... Yea mayb she's right. I mean I do know what year many of the actors/actresses were born and some other little-known facts of some artists. But then again, just like my many other addictions, this addiction will sooner or later die, although it's definitely not anytime soon. So yea, from now on, I guess I will do some reviews when I feel like it. So ya, look forward to it ya! (:
I don't know about others, but I'm kinda loving this particular global warming effect on Singapore weather. The usual hot and humid Singapore with high cloud cover has become windy in the afternoon with pretty clear blue sky and cooling (sometimes even cold) with clear starry sky. Yep, starry sky! I have never seen so many stars on a Singapore sky in my 9 years' life here. Mom's pretty happy too with the weather too since the laundry dry faster.
Yes, I'm lovin this weather. I do hope it's not short-lived *crossfingers*
This song has been on repeat on my iTunes for the past few days. I really love it! It has a happy tune and nice lyrics too. First heard of Aqua Timez when they sing the opening song for Bleach. The lead singer reminds me of the lead singer from Home Made Kazoku, only with higher-pitched voice. Cute heheh...
This song is used as the ending song for Gokusen 3. Very apt song for Gokusen series. The drama itself is ok lah. They kinda recycle the story, like Gokusen 2. Some parts are still pretty funny, but I watch mainly for Miura Haruma and for some brainless jokes before school starts and my brain have to be on full force again heh...
Btw if you are a Miura's fan, watch him in Bloody Monday. He acts really well there. He's a pretty good actor for his age IMO. I'm suspecting he'll be the next Oguri Shun. The two of them are so cute together in Binbo Danshi.
In the meantime, I present Niji by Aqua Timez...
Romaji daijoubu dayo miagereba mou daijoubu hora nanairo no hashi yatto onaji sora no shita de waraeru ne
kutsu himo wo musubi naosu toki kaze ga bokura no sanaka wo osu sora ga koboshita hikari no mukou ni ano yume no tsuzuki wo egakou hidari mune no oku ga takanaru kitai to fuan ga myaku wo utsu hontou ni daijoubu kana subete nori koete yukeru kana
daijoubu dayo miagereba mou daijoubu hora nanairo no hashi namida wo nagashi kiru to sora ni kakaru nee mieru desho haruka kanata ni boku nimo mieru kimi to onaji no futatsu no sora ga ima hitotsu ni naru yatto onaji sora no shita de waraeru ne
betsubetsu no sora wo motte umareta kioku wo utsushi dasu sora kimi niwa kimi no monogatari ga ari boku no shiranai namida ga aru moshikashitara boku ga warau koro ni kimi wa naiteta no kamo shirenai nita you na yorokobi wa aru keredo onaji kanashimi wa kitto nai
yakusoku de mirai wo fuchidori kotoba de kazari tsuke wo suru kimi wa tashika na asu wo kitto dare yori hoshigatteta
meguru kisetsu no hitotsu no you ni kanashii toki wa kanashii mama ni shiawase ni naru koto wo isoganai de daijoubu dayo koko ni iru kara daijoubu dayo doko nimo ikanai mada hashiri dasu toki wa kimi to issho
namida no nai sekai nimo sono hashi wa kakari masu ka ? kabe ni kizamareta rakugaki wa dareka no ji ni yoku niteta kanashimi wo toozakeru koto de kimi wa hashi wo kakeyou to shita keredo ima kasa wo sutete me wo tsuburu
daijoubu...
daijoubu dayo miagereba mou daijoubu hora nanairo no hashi namida wo nagashi oeta kimi no sora ni nee mieru desho iro azayaka ni boku nimo mieru kimi to onaji no kizuna to iu na no niji ga kakatta ne soshite futatsu no sora ga yatto yatto hitotsu ni natte bokura wo hashiraserunda
Translation It’ll be okay, just look up It’s okay, do you see the seven color (rainbow) bridge? We can finally smile beneath the same sky
When we re-tie our shoelaces, the wind pushes us forward Let’s continue our dreams beyond the light that spills from the sky My heart beats within my chest, hope and fear pulsate through my veins I wonder if it’s really okay, I wonder if I can make it through it all
It’ll be okay, just look up It’s okay, do you see the seven color (rainbow) bridge? It’s formed in the sky by the tears you shed Hey, I know you can see it in the distance I can see it too, same as you Our two skies now become as one We can finally smile beneath the same sky
We were born with different skies, skies that reflect our memories You have your own story and tears I know nothing about I might have been smiling at the same time you were crying There may be similar kinds of happiness, but I doubt that for sadness
You place a border on the future with ‘promises’ and adorn it with words I’m sure you wanted a guaranteed tomorrow more than anyone
Like a single season that goes by Let your sad times remain sad Don’t rush to turn them into happiness It’s okay, I’m here for you It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere When it’s time to run, I’ll still run together with you
“Would that bridge form in a world without tears?” The graffitti scrawled on the wall resembled someone’s handwriting You wanted to build a bridge to get away from sadness But now I close my eyes and toss my umbrella away
It’s okay
It’ll be okay, just look up It’s okay, do you see the seven color (rainbow) bridge? Look up in your sky that has cried all of its tears Hey, I know you can see it shining brightly I can see it too, same as you The rainbow of our bond has formed And now Our two skies will finally, finally become as one And get us to run
Exactly 9 hours to the new year, tho for the Adventists, we are only 4 hours away from the new year.
So many things had happened, good things as well as bad. Being superstitious, I thought 2008 would be a breeze. But I was wrong. Personally I had the worst, I really mean WORST term of my uni life. I never had felt so scared of failing before. But thank God, tho the grades hurt my GPA a lot, I didn't fail. I'm just crossing my fingers that KPMG won't revoke my contract ^^"
Globally, shit happened too. What with the investment banks crumbling one after another. Studying in a business school, to work in banks or to be an investment banker seemed to be the common dream. Alas, the current the economy dashed some people's hopes. The headlines on the newspaper paint a bleak future. "The economic recession is nigh!" people say, or is it already here? I don't know. I don't really read the newspaper. Well, as they say, ignorance is bliss.
As usual, the pessimistic me always start with the negatives. But yes, there are good things. Small small ones, but many. I can't recall all of them one by one but still, I was and am thankful for them. Thanks to the recency effect, or simply cuz I've short memory, the things I can remember are limited.
Anyways, whenever I'm thankful about something, it always involve my friends. I'm glad I've people that I can complain to, listen to my bitchings and my anxiety. Like during my BSM trip, I'm really grateful for the many new friends made, and a couple of really good friends made. They made the nasty things bearable.
Oh and my bro got married! It's a bit sad tho since it means that when my sis go back to Thailand and my bro lives with his wife, I'll be the only one left for my dad to be ordered around. Sighs... but well, guess I'm happy for my bro since my dad will stop nagging him to get married. Haha... "Hope to see little Tamps soon!" my friend said excitedly. Amen to that.
December was a action-packed. 3/4 of it were spent overseas. It was filled with rush to get from one point to another, thanks to the BSM trip and my bro's wedding. Really exhausting but fun nonetheless. It's also the first time since I hit the big TWO O that I get to spend my birthday in Singapore. I spent it bumming around tho, since I was so tired from the BSM trip.
Oops, I've to go to church soon. So I guess I'll end my post here. I'll tell the stories from my BSM trip and my bro's wedding another time (depends if I don't feel lazy :P).
HAPPY NEW YEARPEEPS!!(:
PS: As a bonus, I'll post up this super nice song titled Niji (Rainbow) by Aqua Timez.
And it shows only a fraction of the SMoo peeps. I've SMoo Indons, SMoo juniors, SMoo bsm etc... and their nicks are pretty much as sad.
Monday, November 17, 2008
I dunno how to title my post, so i'll leave it blank.
School has been horrible. Another test with horrible grade. No horrible doesn't cut it. It's too god-awful, I dunno how to describe it. It's the worst mark I've ever gotten and am sure it's worse than any mark anyone would have ever gotten. It's THAT bad. And then there are never-ending projects and people tend to get cranky when deadlines are nearing, arguments (sometimes unfriendly) becomes abound.
I'm just glad most of my deadlines are over. Left exams and one more report to finish. I can't say I'm proud of the results that I've received so far and I can only cross my fingers for those results that are yet to come.
SY showed me this video from Avenue Q, titled "It sucks to be me". You can Youtube it. Sometimes i do feel it really sucks to be me. Often I ask when things happen, "Why me God?"
Sometimes I feel God is being really unfair. I do admit God grants wishes, but somehow I feel He's only granting small wishes, like when I ask for bus/cab to quickly come. But when it comes to things I really really REALLY want, He doesn't give. And I don't think my wishes are those selfish ones like asking God to make me richer, prettier, slimmer etc. Sometimes I even gave God reasons why my wishes should be granted. And I tell you, those reasons are reasonable.
When things are going really tough, I kinda become determined to be depressed. Refuse to smile, refuse to eat, refuse to be nice to ppl, refuse to talk to ppl and just lock myself in my room with rock music blasting my ears off. Anyways, when ur feeling like shit, it IS a chore to smile to ppl. Maybe I'm doing all that to let people know that I am depressed and that I should be pitied.
But somehow, I find it too troublesome to keep up such acts. And it's kinda like a circular thing, the more I show my depression, the more depressed and frustrated I become. Besides I am grateful for some friends that I have. Grateful for their non-judgemental attitude. "So you failed your tests, so you are a loser, so what?" they say.
I'm glad I can have a good hearty laugh with them without thinking, "Oh no, I shouldn't be laughing. How can I be so carefree when I just failed my test?"
When day-in day-out I'm surrounded with people who are forever bloody concerned with their academic achievements, I'm glad I've friends who can so freely tease one another, "owned" one another, make themselves look super silly and have a good laugh out of it, where I can make a fool out of myself without them looking at me with condescending eyes. Tho I can only enjoy such moments only 1 day out of the 7 days I have in a week, I am really grateful for it.
And yes, tho I do feel angry at God at times, I've to admit He does keep me sane in this crazy world. I do pray that He keeps this optimism in me so I can go through each day, to keep on living.
Just a girl trying to (not) make sense of her world.
Here she is, writing down things; it may be lyrics, it may be phrases, it may be experiences, it may be fantasy or dreams. But these are the things she doesn't want to forget. Ever.
