Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Cheap Thrills Aren't So Cheap After All

Never have I experienced such a tough term in SMoo. Even the word 'tough' is such a gross understatement. True, each of the 6 terms that I've had has been tough, hectic and full of frustration. But this time I really feel like the water is all the way up to my neck.

Bombarded with works and demands left right back centre top bottom. I'm drowning in all these 'things to do' and I have no frickin' idea how to save myself. I don't see anyone in sight that I can shout for help to. No life buoy in sight either. Even the people I regarded as good friends have betrayed me. So bloody frustrating!

I tried to be optimistic, but every time I thought things are going a-ok after all the efforts done, all the late nights, then No, they are actually major flops. Failed tests, failed projects, re-do, more research, more writings to do. Don't people need a life? When the hell all these gonna stop?!? And worst, I'm doing all these for a degree that I don't even want. FUCKIN SHIT i tell u!

"You should thank me that you got into SMoo, where 100% of its graduates a job and they get paid well" he said.

Thank you??? You want me to thank you?!? You gave the least help when I need it the most. And you made those useless comments that you should've just kept in your fucking little shitty mouth. And who cares about money when everyday I just feel like gulping potassium cyanide.

You don't even show a little bit of proudness when I told you I got a job. Not even a tiny little glimmer of proudness. Why? The company not famous enough? Pay not big enough? Job title not zai enough for you to brag to your friends? It's ok. I feel it's not something to be proud of either, not when others can easily get twice or thrice the amount in some swanky big banks with some high-class-sounding job title. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment. Never shown you any straight-As report card and the 5 Cs (it's 6 now) that I've collected aren't the same Cs that you want me to give you.

Oh wells, blame myself for being able to be swayed easily, to have believed those empty promises. I guess at the end of they day, I have only myself to blame for all these.

Oh wells, c'est la vie. I'll just have to psyche myself up. Delusion myself that everything will turn out fine. Do my best. Smile. Be happy. Yea, whatever.

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